Newt In A Tea Cup

{December 26, 2007}   WHYYYYY???


Why must I have a stupid wisdom tooth decide to pop out and gouge it’s haphazard way into the side of my gums in a painful way, just in time for Christmas day and the Big-Huge-Grotesque-Meal-Of-The-Year-Despite-Attempts-To-EconomiseTM?

And worse, why is the stupid dentists closed until the second of January? This pearly white baby here isn’t exactly waiting around to piss of my little life…

I pray to the Deity that this crap is dealt with by the time I get to Morocco. Cause there’s excellent dental treatment in the desert, don’t cha know?

When I’m at home I tend to hole up in my room with my computer and enjoy the role of serial lurker. Socialising with my parents whilst they watch CSI and it’s numerous tedious clone-shows every single night isn’t exactly my thing. As a result when I’m told my mother “wants to speak to me” it tends to be along the lines of “You need to clean up this mess” and…. no, just “you need to clean up this mess.” Oh, and last night we had “your aunt is about six months pregnant with her fifth child” which was unusual in of itself because last time I didn’t find out she was expecting until after the birth. And if my sister is reading this, no, I’m not joking and let me guess; the parental units forgot to inform you as well?

Tonight she called me over have a what I just read in the papers discussions. It was a talk of the “guy in our town convicted to 14 years in jail for rape and he used to work in your school” variety. “Do you know this guy- he taught was a black belt karate teacher in your high school’s sport centre? The rapes took place between 2004 and 2006- you left high school in 2005… The girl is two years younger at sixteen, she’d be what… 13 when it started… and you’d have been starting your GCSEs.”

No, I don’t know who it was. Yes, I’m happy he’s in jail and I’m so glad the entire courtroom is said to have gone into a standing ovation when he was sentenced. Look, it’s obscene he claimed the girls family planted used condoms with DNA evidence around his house. I know they didn’t buy it this time but you wouldn’t believe what you can get away with… Oh, my god not only did he threaten this guy who overheard him boasting about it but he forced people to watch him doing the crime?

I’m going to go to bed now and pray that all rapists can be put behind bars this Christmas.

{December 1, 2007}   BEST VIDEO EVER

I love how all the crowds are watching the shenanigans completely passively; why yes, that’s the local synchronised condom dance team. They practice every Sunday at four.

The best [worst] thing is that this is more inclusive and comprehensive than a lot of sex ed in the developed world.

et cetera