Newt In A Tea Cup











{March 19, 2007}   This is me. Who are you?

transcript of an text message conversation

Yo sexy mama! Is it forbidden 4 a human with an “almighty cock” to enter ur household establishment? xxxxxx s—–

Note: “almighty cock” is an expression I used to explain misogyny to a friend who, bless him, couldn’t understand what on earth it was because “It’s not true”, “But women aren’t inferior!” and “but that doesn’t make any sense.” I tried to tell him that’s kind of the point but maybe my sarcasm gland took over. I think he gets it now. 🙂

Ill give u acess to my coven a better day – but u shall have to bring a sacrifice 2 ur godess

Yes, I am now a sexy mama, and a goddess. Worship me, heathens.

Ahem. Explanation: My parents have left me home alone for the next 3 weeks. They have enforced a strict “no guys after seven PM” rule showing that they honestly don’t know me that well. I said that. They said they trust me but they don’t want to give the neighbours a false impression of me. I am seriously puzzled as to how important the neighbours opinion on my virtue counts as they are complete idjits who have a caravan and two cars and leave them parked any which way, blocking room for our own car. Anyone with such low environmental regard and, worse, regard for my parent’s blood pressure does not get to judge me. So there.

Also, no guys over doesn’t mean I can’t go out. We’ve spent the last few nights blaring out Britney Spears and Steps until early morning (quickly turning the volume down and closing windows at the traffic lights in town so we don’t get beating to death by the rather large chav populace for being too flamin’ fabulous. They just don’t understand the genius that is “Tragedy”, honestly.)

Secondly I’ve started a new job and I’ve worked overtime (the morning after a friend’s eighteenth non-stop dance party meaning I didn’t get home ’till two in the morn. Oy, oy. Customer service, here I come!)

I am aware this has little to nothing to do with feminism. But I guess it has a lot to do with me.

Freedom like that, is something that feels very rare to me. Maybe it’s because I’m getting to the independent stage and maybe it’s because of how I grew up. And I think that has influenced me a lot. That is why this subject is so key to me. Because I remember being little and being the outside one, the one feeling outcast because of the expectations placed on me. I still remember my mother breaking down in tears over our long-running argument about my domestic habits (messy room, ok?). She revealed the real reason it bothered her was because she felt that when I grew up it could cause serious marital difficulties if I wasn’t domestic, that I would end up divorced. I think I was ten at the time she said that.

We still fight about my room. And it’s becoming pretty clear I will never be able to fulfil her idea of woman-hood. So I’m trying to build myself a new idea and, like an archaeologist trying to discover a layered buried world of women where my past and options of the future lie.

And I’ll admit I’m struggling. I’m trying to figure out where I stand, spiritually and physically – especially in relation to my mother, in search of female role models. I don’t think I have all of the answers. But I do have plenty of questions and sometimes it is the act of asking, the questioning that is the most important step. That is the real journey and adventure.

So I’ve been really busy, too busy. But I’m not going away until I’m satisfied and even then I won’t stop. Because I know how easy it is to slip backwards, for entropy to grab us. I know because when I was ten I fought and won a several year long, drawn out battle to get permission to wear trousers to church. It’s hardly the biggest feminist battle – Oh woe are my poor skirted, oppressed legs! – But if something like that drew so many tears and yells and anger, how can we begin to expect to solve the big issues without a lot more of the same?

And I also understand more than you think. I know her point of view and I know that she believed she was doing the best thing for me, that she acted out of love.

And those are the reasons why the issue of women is so difficult for us women, irrespective of the way men feel about it. This is an issue concerning identity, concerning the way we have been brought up, what we consider right. It’s hard to shrug those things off and asking someone to “shrug it off” is not appropriate.

You see, people who hate abortion, believe women should always be modest to ridiculous extent, think a women is best in the home don’t necessarily hate us, as women. They don’t mean hypocrisy and they don’t want violence against women. They just genuinely think that this is what is best.

But more than that I think they are scared. They are scared of a big bad world, where justice isn’t there to save the day, where the innocents are sacrificed without any outcry, where the way they were brought up doesn’t keep them safe. Change has been big and it is frightening. It means that things you have believed so strongly in could be wrong or not work. It’s easier to hold on to the frozen moments of yesterday than the change yourself and let go of lessons painfully enforced.

I think that is why there seems to be a backlash, why women’s issues always cause so much controversy. Because whilst this is a fight over individual issues, it really is a big fight over what the identity of woman is, about what women mean in society. It’s a fight over how we fit in this new world we are building and about the old one we are leaving behind.

It’s all about one question:

Who are you?

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Faith says:

“You see, people who hate abortion, believe women should always be modest to ridiculous extent, think a women is best in the home don’t necessarily hate us, as women. They don’t mean hypocrisy and they don’t want violence against women. They just genuinely think that this is what is best.”

Some people feel this way, yes. But many of the people against abortion DO very much hate women and they do very much wish violence against women even if they state otherwise. It is also often very difficult to tell the difference between the two. Although I’m not convinced that denying a person the right to define their own identity – regardless of how well intentioned the other person might believe themself to be – isn’t a form of hate. At the very least, it’s usually a form of selfishness.

Btw, just curious, how old are you?



tcupnewt says:

I agree that we cannot know what everyone feels and I agree that there are many cases of pure hatred. But I think the idea of dialogue is the key. It was only when I started studying philosophy and listened to other people, honestly questioned my beliefs that I, myself, turned from a strong anti-abortion, conservative, traditional point of view because I realised I couldn’t live that way and be happy. I’m not trying to defend anyone- they have reasons not excuses, and I’m not perfect either.

I’ll be eighteen in several months. So yeah- work in progress.



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