Newt In A Tea Cup

{February 16, 2007}   On Breaking Up (Friday’s word?)

The other day a friend told me that she’ apparently a “slut, a cunt and a whore”.

She just broke up with her boyfriend. He’s the one who threw out those words. She’s said it’s taken him about two weeks to calm down. Now, what kind of guy (whom I previously thought was nice) is able to regurgitate such things so easily?

She’s not the only one who has gone through that. Instead of calling her something else like “spoiled”, “boring” or any number of insults to do with personality, guys tend to fall back on gender as a defence mechanism. There is no thought; only the default put down implied by the “other-ness” of the subject. I haven’t been bloging long but I’ve already been called a bitch, a hag and told to abort myself (I’m still trying to figure out the logistics of that one). The fact is that every single one of those insults defers to biology in some way and suggests an inferiority of biology.

Instead of calling up what the real issue is with her, the ex resorted to insulting who she is on a gender level. The trolls insulting me have a specific problem with my biology so I guess that’s natural.

Secondly- why on earth is it that guys can’t take any rejection? Why do they go so psycho?

To be honest I feel sorry for them. It must be hard to be brought up with the belief of superiority and the importance of macho-ness only to see that all of logic and practical life shows that it’s not true. Reality must create a lot of insecurity shown the way they are so undermined by women being equal in the way they act.

What do I mean? Like I said to her “How dare he call you a whore? You didn’t do anything he didn’t do too!”

The double standard isn’t realistic but people cling to it. It’s okay for me, but not for you…

Oh and girls- anyone who thinks “cunt” is something to be offended by needs a slap. Go ahead, I’ve got your back.

(and I’m working on the second part of the slut series- RL just keeps interfering)


My teenaged daughter has just had a similar experience. Now our J is not a lie down and take it sort of girl and I have managed to talk her out of criminal damage/car eek!
I think eggs and flour have been mentioned
*whistle innocently*
Yup double standards dripping with entitlement and err… eggs šŸ˜‰

stormy says:

Have you ever noticed how quickly men get a replacement wife/gf? Average time seems to be, dunno, five minutes?

Most divorces are instigated by women. Don’t know about the gf/bf breakups.

(giggle sparkle) here is non criminal damage (I hope!), use a felt-tip pen to write messages on all the windows (but not paintwork). No permanent damage to vehicle, can easily be removed with meths & a paper towel, is too petty to be taken to court (and if they did, wouldn’t they look stupid). Plus the added bonus of getting the message (or feelings) across.

Not that I would have done any of that recently, when cones ready for delivery truck were removed and car parked in the spot… oh noes

Stormy – I will tell her, me thinks she will loove you!

the fallback to good ole sexist abuse is a bit like someone’s accent getting stronger when angry or pissed; the barriers are down and we see a bit more of the forces that formed the individual. i have found myself, when furious, using some terms i wouldn’t want to be known for using – the banned terms don’t suddenly go away when we self-censor to stop them appearing in our vocabulary; i don’t know if they ever go. this is not a defence of the mel gibson/michael richards moments, even though i think it’s linked; it’s just about those bits we do wish to cut out of our thoughts and feelings, but which have been implanted by years of deep conditioning.

Grace says:

Great plans Stormy…what if he doesn’t have a car though?

I’ve not been called a cunt since I decided to take it literally/as a compliment but I fully intend to explain why that is not insulting with a sweet smile on my face if it ever happens! Of course some sarcastic “oh clever you, you realised at some point during our relationship that I am female” never goes a miss.

They say ‘hell hath no fury’ about women but that is nothing compared to the patheticness that some men fall into when scorned. e.g. breaking into email accounts to mis-read innocence in order to fuel an elaborate rumour rendering most mutual friends lost to the ‘injured party’ i.e. him. you poor thing, what a bitch for dumping you…why not she dumped you? what the hell did you do to her?. If ONE person had asked my ex that I would have been indebted to them for life!

Of course there is also the classic “i’ve found someone new to concentrate my stalkerish affections on”, with aims to make you jealous. It’s just a bugger trying not to laugh when he tells you it’s some bimbo who, by ‘real life’ standards, is completely out of his league. The league of the woman is so far away from his league that it is barely a dot on the horizon type thing. Oh come on stop laughing!

tcup, although it’s probably not a great consolation for your friend, she’s definately better off without someone who resorts to anything like name calling, let alone gender-specific names, let alone inaccurate use of nouns in order to cause offence, let alone any of the above rumour spreading or jealousy-cultivation, just because she was honest about her feelings!

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