Newt In A Tea Cup











{January 3, 2007}   Outer Confidence

There is a mainly woman-only epidemic that’s been going around for a while now. Everyone knows about it and whilst much has been done to tackle this disease it keeps cropping back up.

Confidence.

Young women especially are notorious for their lack of self-confidence.

We are scared of being fat, we think we are ugly and we depend on make-up like it’s a life-support machine. And this is true for many of us.

Much is said about building self-confidence and belief in our own abilities. We are told that if we want something hard enough… Or at least that is how the philosophy goes. But really do we need it? Self belief and self confidence?

I don’t think that’s what we need to be focussing in on at all.

You see; it doesn’t matter how much you love your body and how much you respect it. As long as the people around you don’t, you’re screwed.

There is only so much love one can build from the inside before it is time to turn outwards.

Fact is women do not develop insecurities by themselves. When tabloids hate women’s bodies (and don’t tell me they don’t) and highlight with bright red circles all the bits that even slightly resemble real flesh instead of plastic it’s kind of hard to measure up. What, it’s not real? Those women are somehow separated from us normal people and we don’t judge ourselves on them?

May I call that complete and utter bull?

When hair anywhere apart from on the head is reviled and we are expected to pour hot wax on ourselves, wear painful shoes and spend all we earn on our appearance, how the hell can we love ourselves?

Men and especially other women expect of each other a standard that is impossible to reach. A standard of beauty that can be bought, bartered for and ultimately surrendered; penetrated.

How can someone be confident when they are harassed on the street, insulted because of their gender in the press, and judged all the time by perfect strangers?

No matter how much self-confidence you have that is damaging.

The world around me hates women in all their cellulite glory. It hates that we have hips and bellies. It hates stretch marks and lazy eyes, breasts that hand low, moles and bumpy skin. But these are all things that make women who they are. What are we to take from that?

How can we claim to be building self-confident young women whilst pervading our very culture with hatred of them as they are?

Women have done most everything we can on the inside over the last years. We’ve gotten educated. We’ve gotten jobs. We’ve gotten stronger and more aware of the issues of our world.

Now it is not a problem we can solve within us but a problem from without.

We don’t need to develop more inner confidence.

It is the world around us that most show outer confidence in us.

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Michelle says:

“We don’t need to develop more inner confidence. It is the world around us that most show outer confidence in us.”

Excellent! Just come across your blog, and there’s some great writing here. I’ll keep checking back.



tcupnewt says:

Welcome to the TeaCup Michelle! Thanks for the encouragement – it’s always good to hear feedback. 🙂



hello!!! love your blog!!!

outer confidence in us doesn’t generate billions of pounds a year though does it?

i like this quote from Naomi Wolf’s The Beauty Myth:

“They re-classify healthy adult female flesh as “cellulite”, an invented “condition” that was imported into the US by Vogue in 1973 … before …it was normal female flesh”



tcupnewt says:

Thankyou so much!

The Beauty Myth was my Christmas present to myself- I still haven’t read very much of it due to evil, evil schedules but it seems that a lot is driven by money. Which supports my theory that people in general aren’t actively mysoginistic but apathetic and it’s also more practical for them that way.

That’s a very good, telling quote. I’ll have to highlight it.



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